Last night, when talking to who I would call a couple of genuine, and truly good friends, I came to the conclusion that I cannot remember any time in my life where I was actually happy. i think it’s because I rely too much on others to make me happy, but most people I know have let me down too many times. It’s so rare for me to find anyone that I can connect with on so many different levels, where I can be myself and hope that they won’t judge me for being too weird, too anxious, too self-conscious, too shy…I shut down in front of others when I think they are judging me or they seem “too cool” and pretentious. I wish people didn’t suck so much, but most people think they’re so high and mighty and better than everyone else. Sorry for ranting but if you are TRULY one of my closest friends (you know who you are) I want to thank you for always being there, never abandoning me, and dealing with me when things get too heavy for me to handle. I love all of you.
It took me so long to do so many important things. It’s just hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could have been. Jim was five feet from my desk and it took me four years to get to him. It’d be great if people saw this documentary and learned from my mistakes. Not that I’m a tragic person. I’m really happy now.
But it would just — just make my heart soar if someone out there saw this and she said to herself, “Be strong. Trust yourself. Love yourself. Conquer your fears — just go after what you want. And act fast, because life just isn’t that long.”
— Pam Beesly-Halpert, The Office finale